My Dear Sirs and Madams of the Monsterology –
Dr. Merris Scandle continues to be a thorn into the budding growth of the Monster Scouts.
He, on many occasions, has been caught poaching creatures – both Monsters and Nodds – from my “farm” in REDACTED, Washington. He has murdered 7 deer, an owlbear, 3 krunth, 5 Haunts, and an old Trolla friend named Mr. Gamjar. He and his Plugugly fools have set fire to my barn, and have taken potshots at our lodge windows on more than a dozen occasions.
We have had the opportunity to drive him off on every stead, but the jackwagon still comes back time and time again to seek prey.
This letter, at the behest of the legal council of Kenneth Darch, is to inform your “Organization” that this means one thing… WAR. My stead is now properly trapped with many dangerous and embarrassing devices , and Mr. Scandle should be prepared to face a Patrol of my finest and most wicked Doom Mimes.
Cease now and call back your dog, and the issue will be remembered. Continue to thwart monsters and my Scouts, and you will find yourself in a sorry state.
– Baron Davis, June 4, 1913.